Understanding these four letters I believe takes a lot of effort. And that effort needs to come from the individual themselves. Over they years the definition of love always seemed to vary. Someday it could be making sacrifice even at the cost of my personal happiness, other times it seemed as if love just was about giving, taking, reciprocating. During this time I think I even came up with a concept of my kind of Love. And i thought I knew what I message i wanted to convey when I said my kind of love, I didn’t. A stark realization over the past few months has been, I will be honest and willingly admit “ I have been deluded for much long about my understanding of love.”
Over the past few months however, and after making a conscious decision to change my lifestyle there has been a considerable change in my views also. Even more so I feel a lot clearer up in the head and am able to decipher clearly than ever before what i mean by my kind of love is.
Love is an overly used word but its not just the four letters used in English language to define a sensation felt in an unknown region that sparks amazing emotions that words fail to describe. Love is as such not an antonym of hate or not just present in absence of hate. I understand these lines are way too big and way to vague. But a spontaneous thought always tells that i am on the right track and I need to take time and expand the idea further in order to comprehend the vastness of love.
In my own time when I sit down in silence to understand what love is, I want to believe its a feeling whose origin is unknown but yet is always there inside every one of us. One cannot just say I have lost the ability to love. That just doesn’t seem to make sense and its like saying i have forgotten how to breathe. Yes, I agree people lose the ability to love somebody or something but one cannot lose the ability to love as a whole. If you associate love to a certain person or an object, sure you can lose your interest in those which then is deciphered as having lost the ability to love. Which i feel is not the correct way to look at it. I for one feel now more than ever I have outgrown this particular thought. I believe love is a part of me which always has been and will always be whether I want it or not. I try my best to disassociate love as an attachments to objects or people. Now, one might wonder that what happens if you lose interest? What does that mean then? I’d put it like if you love something/someone there isn’t a chance you will lose interest. Yes, you can grow apart with those things but that happens all the time. Families lose touch with on another, friends grow apart physically but love never seizes to make its presence felt. So, there never is a chance of losing interest. So, again going back to the point of losing the ability to love and my statement that one can lose interest in love is itself contradictory. One has to question if you lose interest in something that you love “ did you ever love it in the first place?” If you did interest would never be lost. But you grew apart for a certain while and if you come across that somebody/something in the future you’d be happy like before to have found a long lost love.
My mind furthermore explores the idea of love and tells me one thing in particular – Love is not possession, it never was and it never will be. If Love becomes possession the dictionary itself will define it as possessiveness. The idea of love as possession is clear to me because i have found myself there. I failed to see through it back then and was sucked into thinking possession was love and one should do everything to have that what they loved. When I say so the thought the thought mostly will always go to a girl-boy relationship for those of you who know me well. But, I want to further explain the possession nature goes way beyond that. You love your family and are attached deeply, you are attached to your job and money and girlfriend and at times one is even attached to being nice to everyone, attached to a certain character that they possess all of which lead something that I like to call an attachment downfall. For eg: Meditation is a great practice. And I love doing it. However, if my love for meditation goes beyond and I am attached to the idea of meditation and indulging only in it forgetting everything else. Suddenly my love for meditation is no more love its more an attachment. Which then eventually becomes an attachment downfall. So, what I am trying to say is there is a thin line that separates attachment from love. Something everyone needs to figure out for themselves. I feel I am on the journey to do just that. I would also like shine light on the fact that for me, anything that brings about the downfall whether it be mind, body or soul cannot be love. Love should enable me to elevate and be happy. Yes, there will be times when loved ones depart and in those times I should give enough mourning time and let out those emotion only when I do so can I be at peace. But that departure of the loved ones should not be the reason for my downfall and by no means should it be an excuse for me to not to live my life happily. In the past I have almost gone down the drain I feel happy to find myself on a right track now, which I hope to pursue.
One of most important thing about love for me is that it is an In-Out approach and not the other way round meaning it is very important to Love myself first. Not to an extent where I get overly attached or narcissist character is displayed but to the right amount. Respecting myself, keeping the promises I have made to myself only then will I be able to love, respect and keep my promises to others. If I cannot love myself the right way without being too attached, I cannot expect myself to love others. And loving myself is tough cause there are so many variable to deal with. But at least I have to keep on trying and it feel good to know I am trying. When I sit down to read to enhance my knowledge base, when I do not smoke or drink and give my body the right treatment, when I jog and exercise I feel I am giving my body in Led-zepplin sorta way whole lotta love. My meditation session helps me keep my mind fit, those chess session give my mind time to think logically for so long I my body and my mind had been devoid of the most basic things. And now when I stick to these practice it makes me feel I love my body which keeps me the belief I can really Love.
I understand my definition of Love might seem lengthy and way too philosophical and it is. I am on the journey and unearthing what love is. And this is a long walk but I am just enjoying the journey. Maybe months from now, years from now when I sit down to write again about love I can make it more concise and have a better understanding of what it is. For now this outline of love gives me a springboard like platform to go on.
To sum it all up “Love is Self-Respect.”